It’s amazing how we can want something so bad yet run from it or not willing to do what is necessary to get it. Even when we know that that thing, that habit, that person is bad for us or to us we still nestle up to it. I used to read the story of the children of Israel in the bible and was like man when will they learn. But I had to give myself a reality check and look down memory lane.
In those beginning stages, I was fighting so hard yet didn’t even know that I was fighting. I was fighting the aloneness because it required me to let go of some relationships and face the girl in the mirror. I didn’t want to talk to her heck I didn’t really like her. I wanted someone to physically rescue me, and God was taking to long.
I was looking for someone to love me, yet still running after toxicity and dysfunction. It was familiar. While it comforted my flesh it was corroding my Spirit. Each time I would run away, that road back seemed to be filled with more tears, more pain, more disappointment. It was like a high I was chasing yet never catching.
But you know what? God never chastised me! He loved on me like I never left. Continued to show and tell me who I was. However, like a loving parent He also showed me how my refusal to submit to His will and His way was hindering my progress. Looking back, it feels like it took me a while to get to “Not MY will but YOUR will be done.” But I’m reminded that because He knows the plans He has for me, the chase was factored in. The exhaustion taught me valuable lessons about myself and God.
1. Everything starts in the mind. A made-up mind can’t be moved.
2. Love and compassion are a better motivator than beating someone over the head with scripture.
3. Even when we think we are running from God, we are on a leash. Never beyond His reach.
4. When we condemn ourselves, it is because we are attempting to assign human attributes to a divine God.
5. We may never truly understand God’s love, we just must accept it and rest in it.
Peace, Love and Blessings