When the Elders said, “There is nothing like knowing God for yourself,” they meant studying His word. There is a difference between reading the word in general and seeking the word with intent looking for solutions. What I thought was elementary or a sign of ignorance because I didn’t know how to read the bible, turned out to be an encounter with the person and presence of God I didn’t know I needed.
I had childlike faith. My heart was genuine in my quest for understanding and alleviation from my sorrow. My emotions and thoughts were running rampant. Day to day my feelings would change. At the time there was no grave trauma going on in my life per se. I was just single for the first time, and the loneliness was smothering me like a blanket I couldn’t escape. There was an uncomfortable and inhumane void that I felt was wrong. How could this desire for love and companionship make me want to give up. I was extremely unhappy; I didn’t want to die but I felt like life wasn’t worth living. Something was wrong.
I started to go back to church, and I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I didn’t know how or where to start reading the bible. My pride wouldn’t let me ask for help, so I would just search the concordance based on how I was feeling. Write down all the scripture references it gave on an index card. Then started reading them one by one, labeling a page in my journal with each scripture and topic. I would read the whole chapter for context, highlighting, and looking up words in the dictionary I didn’t understand. I had purchased the Max Lucado study bible, so I would read his commentary as well and bring the meaning together.
I started to apply what I had learned first to my thinking by meditating on the revelation, then by applying it to my conversations and behavior. At the time I thought I was just writing what I gathered the text meant from the definitions and commentary. But I was so excited I started to share the revelation with my pastor, and he told me that God was talking to me.
The more time I spent with this studying and writing, my pen would explode, my understanding increased, and my personal commentary expanded to pages and pages. I started googling some of the words and phrases I wrote, and they turned out to be scriptures. God was confirming His word and His voice, and I was in awe of Him, that He took the time to visit me, to teach me, to comfort me, to love me!
John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”
I summoned Him and He arrived.
Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”
I was seeking and knocking, and He opened the door.
I understand now that that ill feeling of desire for someone to make me happy was God drawing me to Him, the one who is love, the one who created me in love was pouring out His love on me to make me whole.
My wholeness journey started and continues in His word. Won’t you try Him?