I didn’t know this man. I’ll admit that as a child I often saw his name on school records because I been handling my mother's business since 2nd grade, but I only met him once when I was 13.
That sent me into an identity crisis. All of a sudden I didn’t know who I was or where I came from. I asked my mother about him and she remembered his last place of residence, she hadn’t seen him since I was 13 either. So we went to that apartment and he opened the door.
I tried to establish a relationship with him, was excited about getting to know him. But he only gave my empty promises and poor excuses blaming my mother as the reason he wasn’t in my life. This man even told me he was my mother's pimp‼️
I realized that his actions made me feel like the helpless 13 yr old again and I stopped trying and turned to God. I still haven’t seen or heard from him in over 6 yrs. Our last conversation was after my mother’s death and he tried to bash her regarding drug use and I went off. What you not gone do is come for my mother. I still wrestle if he truly is my biological father, as Willie King (R.I.P) is the only father I’ve ever known.
What I’ve learned is it’s hard to trust and love God when your earthly Father abandoned and rejected you. But I’m growing. I go hard for God because He loved me, pursued me, and showed me my identity in Him despite my hesitancy. He continues to prove his faithfulness and trustworthiness daily. He is patient with me through my doubts and fears. He tells me how worthy I am despite my earthly father choosing to walk away.
I say all this to say, God is and can be our everything IF we let him.
I’m still healing AND I’m still usable by God even as a work in progress❤️❤️